what people are made of.

TGIM! thank god it's monday..i've said it many times and will continue to say this until i get a real job; i hate the weekends. if you work in the restaurant industry, you understand what i mean. it's the busiest time of the week and, for a hostess, the most stressful. co-workers sometimes tend to over-book certain time slots for reservations and of course the people who DON'T make reservations get pissed when there is a 45 minute wait.

despite the lameness of my job on this particular weekend, the time that i spent not at work was really enjoyable.

my mother came over and taught me how to make these really awesome sausage balls with cheese inside of them.

then we went to joann fabrics and i got my very own sewing machine! i also got fabric for a quilt that i want to make. i've decided that i want to start sewing and crocheting/knitting things to sell in an etsy shop. i used to half-assed sew some of my own skirts and things, so i know that i have the ability, it's just finding the patience and focus that will be somewhat of a challenge. i also want to do some pillows and buy felt to make cute felt pins and magnets.

here are some other cute things i found at joann's

my mom also taught me how to crochet granny squares. i've always had a hard time trying to learn from books so i'm grateful that she took the time to teach me.

last night i made joe watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind with me. usually i wait until february to watch it but i just had to break my rule just this once. this movie played a big part in my life in the winter of 2006. i was only 15, but that winter defined who i would grow to become. i think that the night which started it all was when i was dating a guy who one of my friends had previously broken up with. (she was oke with it and didn't care). we went to a show at the knights of columbus in niles. i was re-introduced to someone that my friend and  this guy had been trying to get me to meet for a year. she was loud and funny and crazy. i didn't really spend much time with the guy that night. most of it was spent outside with this crazy lady smoking cigarettes or right up front next to the amps where he couldn't really talk to me. my bipolar disorder was in high gear, making me really manic and sensitive to every feeling and thought in my brain. that night, i knew that i shouldn't be dating him, that i was just STILL rebounding from my break up with my ex in october. (i had a lot of rebounds during the course of the year that we were broken up for).

when i came home that night it was like i had an epiphany...i knew who i wanted to be and what i wanted to be like. it was a mixture of everyone i had met, everyone i'd ever looked up to or loved deeply (of course The Torn Skirt by Rebecca Godfrey was a huge influence in the mix, too). i wanted to be crazier, more hyper, louder, more fun--all in a mildly self-destructive way. so i just let loose. ever since sixth grade i'd been telling myself that i didn't care what people thought of me, but on this night i decided to not care for real. this is even when i became the loud mouth girl in class who could distract the teachers from really teaching, partly thanks to the coaxing of my classmates in spanish class. although my personality was obnoxious and absurd, it fit as sort of a charismatic aspect for me, that certain people were intrigued by and even drawn to.

from then on, winter meant eternal sunshine, garden state, donnie darko, songs by garbage and hole and bright eyes and radiohead, trips to the village, cigarette breaks, going to shows, wearing short skirts and boots despite the freezing cold, dying my hair, and creating things with my own hands. i guess i was always this person but i owe the awakening of it to that night and anything and anyone who influenced it. to this day, i continue to add to the list of what winter means to me and i guess it makes me love the days between february 1st and march 31st when the tone of the season can sometimes make you feel like giving up.

when was your epiphany or defining night?

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