what people are made of.

TGIM! thank god it's monday..i've said it many times and will continue to say this until i get a real job; i hate the weekends. if you work in the restaurant industry, you understand what i mean. it's the busiest time of the week and, for a hostess, the most stressful. co-workers sometimes tend to over-book certain time slots for reservations and of course the people who DON'T make reservations get pissed when there is a 45 minute wait.

despite the lameness of my job on this particular weekend, the time that i spent not at work was really enjoyable.

my mother came over and taught me how to make these really awesome sausage balls with cheese inside of them.

then we went to joann fabrics and i got my very own sewing machine! i also got fabric for a quilt that i want to make. i've decided that i want to start sewing and crocheting/knitting things to sell in an etsy shop. i used to half-assed sew some of my own skirts and things, so i know that i have the ability, it's just finding the patience and focus that will be somewhat of a challenge. i also want to do some pillows and buy felt to make cute felt pins and magnets.

here are some other cute things i found at joann's

my mom also taught me how to crochet granny squares. i've always had a hard time trying to learn from books so i'm grateful that she took the time to teach me.



last night i made joe watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind with me. usually i wait until february to watch it but i just had to break my rule just this once. this movie played a big part in my life in the winter of 2006. i was only 15, but that winter defined who i would grow to become. i think that the night which started it all was when i was dating a guy who one of my friends had previously broken up with. (she was oke with it and didn't care). we went to a show at the knights of columbus in niles. i was re-introduced to someone that my friend and  this guy had been trying to get me to meet for a year. she was loud and funny and crazy. i didn't really spend much time with the guy that night. most of it was spent outside with this crazy lady smoking cigarettes or right up front next to the amps where he couldn't really talk to me. my bipolar disorder was in high gear, making me really manic and sensitive to every feeling and thought in my brain. that night, i knew that i shouldn't be dating him, that i was just STILL rebounding from my break up with my ex in october. (i had a lot of rebounds during the course of the year that we were broken up for).

when i came home that night it was like i had an epiphany...i knew who i wanted to be and what i wanted to be like. it was a mixture of everyone i had met, everyone i'd ever looked up to or loved deeply (of course The Torn Skirt by Rebecca Godfrey was a huge influence in the mix, too). i wanted to be crazier, more hyper, louder, more fun--all in a mildly self-destructive way. so i just let loose. ever since sixth grade i'd been telling myself that i didn't care what people thought of me, but on this night i decided to not care for real. this is even when i became the loud mouth girl in class who could distract the teachers from really teaching, partly thanks to the coaxing of my classmates in spanish class. although my personality was obnoxious and absurd, it fit as sort of a charismatic aspect for me, that certain people were intrigued by and even drawn to.

from then on, winter meant eternal sunshine, garden state, donnie darko, songs by garbage and hole and bright eyes and radiohead, trips to the village, cigarette breaks, going to shows, wearing short skirts and boots despite the freezing cold, dying my hair, and creating things with my own hands. i guess i was always this person but i owe the awakening of it to that night and anything and anyone who influenced it. to this day, i continue to add to the list of what winter means to me and i guess it makes me love the days between february 1st and march 31st when the tone of the season can sometimes make you feel like giving up.


when was your epiphany or defining night?

"Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president but they don't want them to become politicians in the process." -JFK

I've heard little talk about the State of the Union Address last night, however I did not watch it. After seeing chatter about how some of the address was about educators, I decided to set out to find a written copy of it. (I usually can't follow huge speeches like this when hearing it. I can better grasp it when reading it myself in my own tone.)

I really love Obama. I think that given more time, the things that he is starting to do will materialize and be awesome.

So here are some quotes that I loved.

-We are the first nation to be founded for the sake of an idea - the idea that each of us deserves the chance to shape our own destiny.

-As Robert Kennedy told us, "The future is not a gift. It is an achievement."

-In America, innovation doesn't just change our lives. It's how we make a living.

-This is our generation's Sputnik moment.

-Success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work and discipline.

-In South Korea, teachers are known as "nation builders." Here in America, it's time we treated the people who educate our children with the same level of respect.

-If you want to make a difference in the life of our nation; if you want to make a difference in the life of a child -- become a teacher. Your country needs you.

-We shouldn't just give our people a government that's more affordable. We should give them a government that's more competent and efficient. We cannot win the future with a government of the past.

-Then there's my favorite example: the Interior Department is in charge of salmon while they're in fresh water, but th Commerce Department handles them when they're in salt water. And I hear it gets even more complicated once they're smoked.

hello kelly's Infinite Playlist.

Very frequently, I come across somebody on Facebook or Twitter saying that they are in need of new music suggestions. Being a self-proclaimed "music connoisseuresrex" I get very anxiety-ridden trying to decide what music to suggest. (Oddly enough, I curse people for not liking good music, but then when something that I really like becomes popular, I get really pissed.)

To solve this problem, I have decided to go through my iTunes, song-by-song, and select my favorites and post them here. Then I can redirect people needing suggestions to my blog posts tagged as Ultimate Playlist.

Here are the first 64. Some, I'm not so proud to say I consider a favorite but, I will not exclude some just because it's not considered "good music". Some of it isn't even considered good music by my own standards, but I like what I like.

1. against me - you look like I need a drink
2. aimee mann - pavlov's bell
3. alanis - eight easy steps
4. alanis - still
5. alanis - uninvited
6. angie hart - blue
ani difranco
7. both hands
8. letting the telephone ring
9. worthy
10. tiptoe
11. not a pretty girl
12. the million you never made
13. reprieve
14. antsy pants - vampire
15. atari teenage riot - fuck all!
16. atari teenage riot - deutschland (has gotta die!)
17. atmosphere - the keys to life vs. 15 minutes of fame
18. azure ray - november
19. azure ray - the drinks we drank last night
20. bad brains - pay to cum
21. bad brains - banned in dc
22. barry louis polisar - all i want is you
23. beat steaks - god knows
24. beck - everybody's gotta learn sometime
25. bedouin soundclash - when the night feels my song
26. betty blowtorch - party til ya puke
27. betty blowtorch - ode to dickhead
28. betty blowtorch - i've been so made lately
29. bif naked - nothing else matters cover
30. big naked - lucky ones
31. bikini kill - thurston hearts the who
32. bikini kill - rebel girl
33. bikini kill - alien she
34. bjork - cvalda
35. bjork ft. thom york(radiohead) - i've seen it all
36. black flag - clocked in
black keys
37. thickfreakness
38. strange times
39. hard row
40. set you free
41. have love, will travel
42. the bled - red wedding
43. brand new - sic transit gloria, glory fades
44. brand new - okay, i believe you but my tommy gun don't
45. brazil - and so it goes
46. the breeders - buffy theme (of course i put this in here)
47. the breeders - happiness is a warm gun cover (way better than the beatles)
bright eyes
48. a line allows progress, a circle does not
49. a perfect sonnet
50. feel good revolution
51. no lies, just love
52. sunrise, sunset
53. waste of paint
54. neely o'hara
55. the calendar hung itself
56. lover i don't have to love
57. bowl of oranges
58. lua
59. you will. you? will. you? will. you? will.
60. let's not shit ourselves (to love and be loved)
61. drunk kid catholic
62. happy birthday to me (feb 15)
63. a celebration upon completion
64. the cardigans - lovefool

note: 19 of these are bright eyes songs. :) win.

"All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man."

The title of this entry is a Henry David Thoreau quote. I thought that it was appropriate because tomorrow is the first day of a new semester. I really do love school. I love the promise that a fresh, new semester holds. Learning has to be one of my favorite things. Even in high school going to school didn't bother me because it was so easy for me. It didn't feel like actually being in school. I haven't really been on my game since my first semester. I think that last semester was kind of a wake up call. I figured out how to enjoy the workload again. I still feel like my collegiate pathway isn't quite right yet. After finding out that the program I want isn't offered anymore, I've been kind of restless. I just don't think that there is really that big of a job market here for a person with the degree I'm going for, that's why I wanted to be able to teach it, too. Thanks YSU education department. You suck. And I'm not moving out of this area to find a job. I'd feel a little bit better about securing a job if I had the option of teaching also. One is a passion and one is like a calling. I'm still super excited about going back tomorrow.

I feel like there are so many things I want to learn and it'd be ridiculous to get a degree in all of them. I wish I had the money and time to study everything that I want to. Like english, history, journalism, art, education, fashion merchandising, psychology, marine biology, sports marketing/administration, communications, film making.. I just want to have so much knowledge that my face explodes. Hopefully this semester I'll have the energy to actually look like a human being.

Anyway, this past weekend was nice! My film camera came on saturday! I just need to get a lens. Kelli and Dave spent the night that night also. We played Cranium for like, four hours and made multiple grape bombs. Kelli and I got Panera as soon as it opened! I also made breakfast for everyone. I love my friends.

Overall I think the next few months are going to go very nicely. I switched one of my night shifts for a daytime shift every other week so that we can start having Good Thursday at Quaker Steak with 50 cent boneless wings. I'm going to get my exercising back on track. Kelli and I are going to have Thrifty Saturdays or Sundays. I'm going to get my trust fund thingy freed up when I'm 21 so I can take summer classes. I want to start cooking a lot more and use the huge cookbooks I got from the wedding. I really wish I could start gardening. Maybe I'll buy one or two of those window sill-sized follow boxes. I'm going to start crocheting and knitting more, too. I have a bunch of stuffing that I bought when I made Kelli's camera pillow, so I think use up a lot of that. I'm having lunch with Raquel and Stephanie tomorrow and I want to do more of that too!

tuesdays with mollie.

Yesterday was an overall good day. It snowed. A lot.

Joe and I had our date night! First we went to Panera which is always so damn good. Then we went on a tiny adventure to fine adequate winter footwear for me--and I love my new shoes!! Then we came home and watched Inception. The ending pissed me off so bad! Other than that it was a good movie. Ellen Page had me hooked right off the bat.

Today I've just been bumming around. I did my collections pictures for my earlier post, had lunch and paid my car payment. Tonight we're going to watch The Social Network and play Scrabble!! (which we were supposed to do last night)

I've really been feeling like I need to get out lately. I think it's just because it's been so shitty out and it's making me feel shitty. I love winter clothes and outfits and I really wish we could go out more but our schedules suck. I'm just really afraid of regretting not having more fun during this time in my life further down the road when I have kids. Normally people go out and have fun before they're married because they think that they can't after. I don't think that's true but we're not doing much to prove otherwise. I need to go out and see people, meet people and interact. I hate being confined to this job. I think it's a large part of it. On the nights that I'm off, I just want to relax and not do anything, on the nights that I'm not, I get out too late to do anything at all. I know that I have to keep if though if I'm going to be a co-applicant on a loan for a home in a year.

Anyway! Here are some photos from yesterday!

MMMM!

collections.

For some reason, I just really feel the urge to post all of the random shit I collect.

~My wide array of nail polish. It took me forever to find the hot pink "Passion Fruit" color from ORLY. It's by far one of my favorites.

 
 

 

 

~Gawdy Jewelery. (a lot of owls and sparrows)

 

 

 

 

~Of course, Hello Kitty. Which I feel like I have a LOT more of, but I'm not sure where it is.

 

 

 

~"So..." Brand Camis from Kohl's

~Wet Seal Camis

~Wet Seal Tanks

~"So..." Brand Tees from Kohl's

~Soffee Shorts. I used to have a pair of cute navy blue ones with white stars but I can't seem to find them :(

~"So..." Brand Thermal Long Sleeve Tees from Kohl's

 

~Chucks! I used to have a million more pairs but thanks to high school they stunk horribly, so I have to start my collection over.

The clothing pieces that I have, I love because they're simple and inexpensive. All you have to do is wear a different color and it switches up your outfit. It's good to have a variety of camis and plain tees. Same with the Chucks!

MELT.

Melt was pretty much awesome. I'm not going to lie and I will probably get made fun of for this, but--like I posted before--I really do love Cleveland. While driving, when I saw the cityscape of the often-photoed Cleveland buildings, I got a little bit giddy and excited. I think that I really would like to live there.

 Everyone got the Westside Monte Cristo

and I got the BBQ Chicken

Joe and I traded halves and each sandwich was REALLY good, obviously. But I think that I liked my BBQ Chicken best.
We got Red Velvet Cheesecake for dessert!

However, this picture definitely does not do it justice. It was seriously at least six inches long and four inches high. It was awesome.
We also got to show off our tats and get our discount!

After Melt, we headed to The Exchange, which is a record store. I'd have to say that I was a little bit disappointed. It was a classic spot for a record store; on the corner with apartments up above. But there was way too much light in there, everything was so stark white. It was like being in a BuyBacks or that place that's by Campus Book and Supply in Kent. There were also Blu-rays, novelty useless shit atop the shelves, dvds, CDs, and even old school Nintendo and Sega games. It just was not a "record store" like I like. There was literally one little tiny section of records and a lot of it was new stuff; like the newest Kings of Leon. LAME. SUCKS.

Needless to say I didn't buy anything. Dave almost got hit by a car, too!!! The girl looked like she even sped up to try to hit him. So we made our way home with slight delay and readings of not-sexual-sounding-sexual things from Urban Dictionary. Then we came home and watched Machete. It was a decent movie, it could have had a more in-depth story line, it was semi-predictable, but I enjoyed it!

Friday, I surprised Joe with this

And yesterday Joe surprised ME with THIS!

I am so happy that he got this. A tattoo is something that I have never shared in common with my significant other and I'm really glad that he's the first one that I can connect to through ink. Meeting this far along in our lives means that we've already experienced a lot of our firsts, and not with each other. So it really means a lot to me that no matter what happens, we'll always have this.

On Friday, Joe told me that being with me had really broadened his musical horizon. I have to admit that I was impressed with myself because of this statement. He said he realizes that the shit he used to really like, isn't really good music (it's questionable if it's music at all, actually), and that I've turned him on to a lot of great stuff. This also caught me by surprise because I haven't even been trying lately, I kind of gave up. See, the thing about Joe is, you can't force things on him, he has to figure them out or find them out in his own way and on his own time. He proudly told me that he learned that he likes the Strokes and enjoyed a Daft Punk song.

I've come to realize that I'm a sort of "people collector". I know what I like in people and I enjoy being surprised by them. I only enjoy having people in my life who have something interesting or unique to offer. If they're generic or have nothing really to offer, they fall by the wayside. When someone sparks my interest, I try to befriend them. Whether the spark be a talent, an opinion, a style (cliche and lame, I know, shut up), or just something about their personality or the way they speak, I love it. I started ready "If You Have to Cry Go Outside" by Kelly Cutrone and she writes a lot about how you have to build your tribe and build it was people who are a right fit for you or else you'll be miserable and unsuccessful. I totally agree with this and I think that the tribe that Joe and I have been building is almost perfect. I like having everyone together. I want my friends to become friends with each other. I've never had a group of people who were friends with each other and I've really always wanted that. I thought I had it before...I guess not. But I really have a good feeling about who I've chosen to keep in my life.

the Cleveland Bucket List.

So on Sunday, Joe, Kelli, Dave, and I are driving up to Cleveland, mainly to eat at Melt Bar and Grilled ( http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/ ). However it seems really silly to drive allllll that way just for a grilled cheese, a gourmet grilled cheese at that, but still. Recently, I've been getting back to who I really am, my interest in finding really cool, different shit, my slightly-trained eye for photography..my interest in living, really. So last night I suggested to Kelli that before and after we wait for a spot at Melt that we should adventure around Cleveland and take pictures. Today I decided I wanted to go further than that and really get into the city.

After a while of searching, I've found nifty and inspiring-sounding places for some photos (thanks to http://cleveland.about.com/od/clevelandattractions/tp/freethings.htm ):
~Lake View Cemetery
~Mentor Headlands Park
~Cleveland Museum of Art Galleries
~Botanical Gardens and University circle
~Squire's Castle
~Soldiers and Sailors Monument
~Rockefeller Park Greenhouse
~Cleveland Cultural Gardens
~Peter B. Lewis Building at CWRU
~Sculpture Center

I also thought it might be fun to explore some kitschy little places that Positively Cleveland begrudgingly labels "Hipster Hangouts". And for a while I've been wanting a record player. It occurred to me today that maybe I should have a record collection before I purchase said record player, so I found record stores, too! ( http://www.positivelycleveland.com/visiting/things_to_do/cleveland_rocks/hipsters ):
record stores:
~Music Saves
~My Mind's Eye
~Bent Crayon
~Blue Arrow Records and Books
~The Exchange
~Record Revolution
~Record Den
shops:
~b.a. Sweetie Candy Company
~Bonfoey Gallery
~City Buddha
~Cleveland and Beyond
~Cleveland Shop
~Lake Erie Artists
~Revive
~Shoparooni
~This Way Out

Now, all I need is some type of organizational tool Google map type thing online, where I can enter the addresses all at once and have them displayed on a map all at once so I can plan an itinerary!

I'm extremely excited about spending a day in the city with 3 of my best friends going to vintage stores, record stores, and such. Despite me being mostly a Pittsburgh fan, I love Cleveland. I think that, in the realm of sports, there's a certain romantic quality in the despair, heartbreak and disappointment that they go through and the undying love, strength and loyalty these people display in spite of the yearly discerning events. In a wider perspective, I love being part of the Rust Belt. Cleveland to Youngstown to Pittsburgh; we're a different species of people and I love it. From the sports to the music to the art and to the job market that connects us all. Oh, and of course THE BEER. I think that we are some of the strongest people in the country. Especially the artists and musicians. It really takes something to be inspired in a place where inspiration can be hidden. I mean, "inspiration" in rampant in places like New York City and San Francisco. But here, it's like Darwinism. Only the strongest survive and others fall to the wayside attributing their dabbling to just being "a phase." We have a separate, special culture that you really have to look for to unearth, but once you do that, it's so alluring. Well, at least to me it is.

ordinary tuesday?

so yesterday started out fairly normal. I was totally motivated to clean and do laundry and such. The clothes and necklaces that I ordered from forever21 finally came!!

For some reason I'm highly fascinated with
a) striped shirts
b) owls
c) sparrows
d) anchors
All but striped shirts have meaning associated with them. Owls are supposed to represent strength of mind, "wise-ness", and luck. Sparrows I like because I've always known them to be the "in memory of" bird. I really want one tattooed on my arm in memory of my sorority sister who died April 24, 2009. The cause of death was an enlarged heart, which was eerily fitting because she was the nicest, most loving person that I have ever had the privilage of knowing. Lastly, anchors represent strength and stability and longevity--3 things that are important to me because of my marriage.

Joe came home for lunch and left to go into a 3 hour long meeting. After, I tweeted that I wished I had the guts to go get a grilled cheese tattoo for our Melt outing on Sunday. For those of you who don't know, Melt is a restaurant in Cleveland that specializes in gourmet grilled cheese, which is freaking awesome because cheese is the best thing ever!! If you get a grilled cheese related tattoo, you get 25% off of your bill FOR LIFE! Now, I had never gotten a tattoo before because I was so afraid of the pain, although I do have my nose pierced and gauges...go figure. Kelli tweeted me back and said that we totally should and that she and Dave were down if I was. Of course I was! I just wanted to wait to discuss the money aspect with Joe. So we waited for him to get out of his meeting, which lasted till the end of his work day.
Well, long story short, Joe and I fought about it and he tricked me into not getting on my wrist like I wanted, which I am grateful for. But we got them!

my upper-ankle

Dave's thigh

Kelli's heel (OW!)

I can't believe how much it didn't hurt anywhere near what I expected. You can agree that this is totally stupid and lame and I'll regret it later but
a) it's hidden
b) i just don't care. at all.
c) I've never done anything spontaneous or stupid with my friends before except for small stupid high school crap. I'd regret it if I DIDN'T do it.

So we ventured back to our apartment to watch the OSU game when Nick and Elise (our neighbors) wanted us to go to a nearby bar called Quench because Nick was leaving for two months. We did and it was the most fun I think any of us have had in a long time. It was such a ridiculous night. Nick always buys everyone's drinks and is generally awesome, and I saw Elise more drunk than I ever have.
Highlights of the night:
~Joe got me a free MacBook by buying a round of shots.
~Nick and Elise wanted to see Dave's thigh tat, so he pulled down his pants on the patio at Quench! baha, he later told Kelli that he thought Elise saw his weiner.
~Me and Kelli just being assholes in general.
~Wendy's totally screwing up our order. I got two spicy hot chicken nuggets in my regular nuggets.
~Dave immitating Mystical to a t and showing us how Wang orders.
~All of the sex jokes. ahem.
~Elise texting me saying that she was sleeping outside.

Such a great night with such great people. I didn't even mind waking up for work...kind of.